Christmastime is that magical time of year where we hear the same damn songs over and over again, get really wasted at holiday parties and hook up with random strangers to give the gift that keeps on giving: SHAME. And speaking of shame (or lack thereof), let’s check in with Britney Spears and watch her living her best life. And by living her best life I, of course mean, scaring the hell out of her fans with a creepy rendition of White Christmas.
I’m not gonna lie to y’all, White Christmas is one of those songs that gives me all the feels whenever I hear it. Last week I heard it in the supermarket and almost burst into tears, but then again that could have been because they ran out of eggnog and I had just purchased a big ass bottle of Jameson. Britney’s version also made me want to cry but for a very different reason; it’s scary as fuck. Britney posted this ode to the Chipmunks version of White Christmas on her Instagram yesterday and she must be using the Krampus filter, because all this does is make me want to run and hide and never celebrate the holidays again.
Britney my love, I get it. You were probably just having some fun with the filters on your phone. But did it really need to come at the expense of all our souls? What was up with the reindeer on her neck that kept popping up like the Ghost of Christmas Past? Thanks to Britney there won’t be any more silent nights because of all the screaming we’ll be doing thinking about this. One thing’s for sure, Christmas will never be the same now that we have this glittery Rudolph-possessed-by-Satan version of White Christmas to keep us warm at night. And by warm I mean peeing the bed knowing that Britney’s out there waiting to come down our chimneys and scare the hell out of us.
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