DEAR DEIDRE: MY husband mistreated me and was a poor lover, while sex with my boyfriend sends me wild.
I’m from a traditional, religious family and I now worry I’m a sex addict.
I’m a woman of 30 and my husband is 34. We were married for six years but he made me feel very rejected. I always had attention from other men but I wanted love and affection from my husband.
He treated me badly and was an inconsiderate lover. We have a daughter aged two and are both from religious backgrounds.
Our sex life was terrible. He’d tell me he wanted sex and expect me just to go along with it. He’d do the deed then climb off and go straight to sleep.
I didn’t know what an orgasm was. I didn’t know what female pleasure was.
I used to work in my father’s shop and a man came in for a paper nearly every day.
He seemed really nice. He’s 29 and he was going through a divorce. He started telling me how attractive I was.
I’d sometimes run into him in the park at lunchtime when I took my daughter.
He’d take me for drives and buy me gifts but it wasn’t a sexual relationship due to my faith. After a month he started holding my hand and he’d try to kiss me, saying he’d fallen for me.
I kept turning him down but I was feeling unloved and lonely at home.
My husband and I weren’t even sharing a bed. Then I found out he had been cheating and had a baby boy with another woman.
I called my boyfriend in tears that night. He arrived, kissed me and we got carried away. We had sex and it felt incredible. I didn’t know it could be so good. After that I’d call him at all hours asking him to meet me. We’d have sex anywhere — in his car or a cheap hotel room. We even did it in a supermarket toilet twice.
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I’m now leading a secret life. My divorce is going through but I can’t tell my family what I’ve been doing. They’d be horrified.
I feel guilty and scared. I’ve tried breaking up with my boyfriend but I missed the sex so much. He’d like to marry me but I could never tell my family about him as he is from a different religion.
Do I seek medical advice to stop this cycle of sex addiction?
DEIDRE SAYS: I don’t think you need therapy for addiction so much as the courage to live according to what feels right to you rather than worrying about pleasing your family all the time.
You and your lover sound to have a real connection. No wonder you find it hard to stop seeing him. Would your family really put their beliefs before your happiness?
Seeing him in secret like this is going to lead to heartbreak in the end though – and your daughter will be picking up on the vibes anyway.
I can see the choices are difficult so talk it all through with a counsellor.
My e-leaflet How Counselling Helps tells where to find support.
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