I feel dirty after giving oral sex to a man who wouldn't show me his face

DEAR DEIDRE: I FEEL deep shame after a disturbing sexual encounter with a man who wouldn’t show me his face.

Now I can’t stop thinking about it. I’m a 36-year-old gay man.


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I met a guy, 41, online. He told me he wasn’t “out”, and wouldn’t give me his photo or real name.

After chatting, I agreed to meet him late one night in a nearby park. He came up behind me and told me not to turn around, so I couldn’t see his face.

We had sex and did use protection. I offered to give him oral sex. He said if I looked up at him, he’d knock me out.

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It wasn’t rape but I feel dirty and sick about what happened.

My sister says I could have been killed. How do I get over this?

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DEIDRE SAYS: This encounter sounds menacing and unpleasant. Although you feel it wasn’t rape, the lines are blurry.

It’s hard to consent when you don’t know who the other person is and when they are threatening you. This could be why you are feeling so disturbed.

Contact Switchboard LGBT+ Helpline, who can put you in touch with local counselling, support groups and social networks (switchboard.lgbt, 0300 330 0630).

My support pack on Male Rape may also help you.

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