I had affair with married man who died and now his wife won't let me attend the funeral

We met as teenagers. I am 46 and he was 50 when he died.

He went into the Army and we lost touch until two years ago, when I found him on Facebook. After messaging and chatting every day, we finally met six months ago.

We were saving to find a place so we could be together. My husband is a good man but we are friends, not lovers.

Two weeks ago, my lover booked a hotel for the weekend and we had a very passionate night of sex. He started sweating and could not breathe, so I called an ambulance.

By the time they arrived it was too late. His wife won’t tell me the funeral arrangements and has threatened to send our emails to my husband, which will destroy him.

DEIDRE SAYS: His wife is in shock and punishing you for his infidelity now he’s no longer here.

You know what you and your lover meant to one another.

If it will create waves for you to attend the funeral, organise your own ritual to say goodbye.

Talk it all over with Cruse bereavement care (cruse.org.uk, 0808 808 1677).

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