Meeting someone new, flirting, and going on that first date can be seriously exciting. It’s new, the butterflies are doing their thing, and you’re pumped about what this date could potentially turn into. But there’s no bummer quite as big as when you’re excited about someone, and then don’t feel a spark on the first date. Does that automatically mean it’s not meant to be? Experts suggest taking a chill pill. Not feeling those love-dovey sparks on the very first date shouldn’t be a total deal breaker.
"First date sparks are overrated," Anita A. Chlipala, dating and relationships expert and licensed marriage and family therapist, tells Elite Daily. "Sparks don’t mean someone will be a good fit for you as a long-term partner." As Chlipala says, don’t get too worked up about whether or not you feel those sparks on your first date. After all, it’s just a first date, and barring any major lies or discomfort, consider giving your date a second chance. You never know what the second date will bring, because as nice as it is to feel those sparks right away, they aren’t always necessarily proof of compatibility.
"Feelings of infatuation fade for everyone, and so I really wish people would stop placing so much emphasis on first date sparks," Chlipala says. "Yes, attraction and connection are important, but there are many variables that can affect those feelings. Some people are anxious or need to feel safe before they can be vulnerable, and vulnerability can increase feelings of connection. People can also grow into attraction — you just have to give someone a chance."
So, if you don’t feel those sparks, how long are you supposed to wait until you call things off? A week? Two dates? Five? Give the person a chance, but remember there is a limit, and you shouldn’t have to be with someone who you feel absolutely no spark with. "Keep dating someone until [you] are certain that this person is not a good fit," Chlipala advises. At that point, call it quits.
Believe it or not, if you aren’t feeling that spark, it might be a good thing. "Think of times when a spark you felt with someone was really fireworks," Thomas Edwards, founder of The Professional Wingman, tells Elite Daily. "How explosive was that connection? And of those times, how many of those connections lasted?" According to Edwards, "the intense sparks are the ones with a lowest lifespan."
Again, don’t put too much pressure on you or your date to feel that spark right off the bat. "The slow burns, the ones where the spark wasn’t as intense but slowly grew over time, were the longer-lasting connections made," Edwards explains. "So if you don’t feel that ‘spark’ on the first date but you really enjoyed the date, you should definitely go on a second date." Give your date a chance, as the experts advise. You never know if someone will end up being the person you’re meant to be with. First dates are full of anxiety and expectations, so it might be wise not to entirely judge your feelings toward someone based entirely on that one night.
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