I'm pregnant but I don't know if the father is my boyfriend or my older boss

DEAR DEIDRE: I’VE been having incredible sex with my manager at work but I’m pregnant and I don’t know if he or my partner is the father.

I’ve been with my partner for five years but I’ve not been happy for the last two. We are both 26.

He has lied about where he was when he was out with his mates. Was he cheating?

I also caught him watching pornography when I came home early, and he knew I didn’t like that.

We had a couple of arguments and it didn’t look like we’d stay together so I started texting somebody else and he found out. He was so mad, he poured battery acid on the bonnet of my car.

After a couple of months we got back together, mainly because we both work for an IT company and we have to see each other every day when we’re not travelling.

By that point my partner had become paranoid and didn’t want me going out without him or seeing my friends. He is both controlling and insufferable.

After one argument, my manager saw me crying when I was working on a project with him and I ended up confiding in him. He’s 42 and single.

We started texting and then we met for a drink. It led to our kissing one night and touching one another, and the next time we were away together for work we had incredible sex.

He treats me like a princess, he listens to me and will do anything for me.

He’s asked if I’d move 300 miles away with him, where he’s moving to be nearer our head office.

So that brings me to the pregnancy test. I don’t know how I feel because I don’t actually know who the dad is.
I love my partner but I hate him at the same time. I feel he will never change.

But if I moved away, I think I’d miss him.

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AROUND one in five men and up to half of women lose their sex drive at some point.

But basic self-help methods can make a big difference.

Tips and expert help are explained in my e-leaflet on Reviving Sex Drive.

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DEIDRE SAYS: I know it’s hard but try to think realistically about how life will be if you go ahead with this pregnancy.

If you can afford it and your manager is willing to be sampled, you’ll probably be able to find out who is the likely father.

But if it’s your partner, it sounds like a far from ideal home for a baby, with a controlling partner who can act abusively. Do you think you’ll miss him just because he’s the devil you know?

If your manager is the father, do you really know him well enough to embark on family life together?

It’s very different from having a sexy affair – especially moving hundreds of miles away from friends and family.

It could be neither relationship is really right for you. Are you up for the challenge of being a single parent?

My e-leaflet on Unplanned Pregnancy explains where you can find support to think this through.

Key is to get on with making a decision urgently while you still have options.

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