I’m a 21-year-old guy and on the management trainee scheme of a big department store. Mum and Dad finally divorced three years ago after years of rowing.
While I was sad to see Mum go off travelling, in her words, to “find herself”, me and my younger brother, a sixth-form student, were settled with Dad. But it was a relief that the fighting had finally come to an end after all these years.
My father hadn’t had a girlfriend until last year, when he met the mother of a girl student in my brother’s year at a college parents’ evening, Dad asked my brother loads of questions about her and he found out she was single.
He got in touch with her on Facebook and they started dating. It was good to see him happy for the first time I could remember and I was happy for him. It all moved very fast and one day Dad told us she was moving in with us and with her daughter who’s 18. Over time me and my now kid sister grew closer.
We went to a mutual friend’s 18th birthday a couple of months ago — I knew the older brother — and we drank a bit more than usual and started kissing.
Then we went upstairs and had sex. After that we started dating and have continued having sex.
I know we are not related and there is no way I see her as my sister but it still feels wrong. On the other hand, we feel close and there is an amazing buzz to it all. Is it disgusting and do I need to stop it going further?
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DEIDRE SAYS: You are two unrelated young people who are of age and have fallen for one another. It’s not disgusting and there is nothing legally wrong with you having a sexual relationship. But you do realise that your dad and her mum would probably be horrified if they found out about it.
They feel they have created a new family unit and you two having a relationship gives the lie to that. It would be wrong and damaging for both you and your girlfriend – if you consider her that – to continue having this relationship in secret.
Lies and deceit always lead to problems and bad feelings. If you both believe that your feelings for one another are strong and lasting enough for this to be serious relationship, tell your parents and hopefully they will come to accept it.
And you also need to be sensitive to your younger brother’s feelings so he doesn’t feel isolated. If you’re not up for that, then best end it now. Both give each other space to help you move on.
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