‘My man tells me not to take contraception and insists he won’t get me pregnant’

My boyfriend says I do not need to bother with contraception because he is a man of the world and won’t get me pregnant.

He’s experienced and careful, but can I trust him?

My career is just taking off and the last thing I want is a baby.

I have ambitions and dreams and hope to see the world before I settle down and have a family.

Back in 2015 my sister was due to fly out to Los Angeles with her firm.

  • 'I flirted with a colleague on a team-weekend and now she's stalking me'

  • 'My friend sends tonnes of money to her online boyfriend – she needs to wake up'

Her boss had secured her a fab job on a big salary, but days before she signed on the dotted line she found she was pregnant.

Her boyfriend demanded she stay at home and she caved in and told her boss she couldn’t do it. She has regretted that decision ever since.

The boyfriend left her a week after the baby was born and now my sister is a single mum struggling to get by on rubbish wages.

  • 'My friends hate my new man and won't let me even mention him – are they jealous?'

I look at her and think: “No, thanks.” Yet my boyfriend says he would feel insulted and let down if he ever found out I was on the pill because he’s deeply religious and disapproves of any form of drug-taking.

He asks me to trust him because he knows what he’s doing, but it feels like we are playing Russian roulette every time we go to bed together. He’s an enthusiastic and rigorous lover who often gets lost in the moment.

Our love-making makes me feel anxious and tense. I can’t relax because I’m terrified that he’ll slip up and impregnate me.

At Christmas I wrapped up a box of 12 condoms for a joke and he threw them across the room.

Just why is being in charge so important to him?

  • 'My girl has bought new clothes and wants loads of sex – could she be cheating?'

JANE SAYS:

I do get the impression your boyfriend likes to be fully in control.

He strives to control your love-making sessions as well as your body and options too. Not good.

This proud and arrogant individual needs to be told that you’ll decide how things will be from now on because no-one tells you what you can and cannot do with your own reproductive system.

If you’re mature enough to have sex, then you are mature enough to talk about it and to take responsibility.

Do not have unprotected sex again until you’ve seen your GP. Also look at your various options at the NHS Choices website. On an emotional level, I wonder if your boyfriend is determined to keep you in your place.

  • 'My married lover is a controlling nightmare who only lets me see my mum'

If he knows your sister’s story, then could he be determined to trap you?

Is he really the one for you? I worry that he is too keen to impose his will and personal agenda.

Do you and he have fun? Is it a mutually respectful relationship in general?

Remember that he is no better than you and hasn’t earned the right to overwhelm or instruct you on any level. Personally, I think you should leave him.

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