‘My sex life is suffering because my man’s clingy ex-wife won’t leave him alone’

I’m sick of my fella’s ex-wife controlling our lives.

I love my husband but I didn’t realise I’d be lumbered with his ex when we married.

The reality is that she has never gone away. They didn’t have children, yet she continues to call and text him.

At one point, just after our honeymoon, she started coming round. I’d have her on the doorstep asking for everything from food to favours.

One time, I was on a work call and she stood with her finger on the doorbell until I answered. She bleated that she needed help because her mother’s car wouldn’t start! I told her to ring a garage and she burst into tears.

Later she complained to my husband about me being mean.

I did nothing more than storm round to her house and ban her from ever darkening our door again. I’ve also banned my husband from taking her calls, but he feels sorry for her.

When he left her for me in 2015, she was so devastated she stopped speaking. Her parents had to get her into hospital and he still blames himself for the mental trauma he caused.

She is by no means destitute; my husband pays her a fortune each month and she got the flat when he left.

I can no longer cope with him leaving meals half eaten while he hares round there to mend the boiler or check on the goldfish who is “looking a bit peaky” – absolutely true.

Our sex life is also suffering because my hackles go up every time he indulges her and then I don’t want him anywhere near me. She’s making it very hard for me to love and respect him – or even stay.

  • 'My girlfriend nicks my stuff but is great in bed – can I afford to lose her?'

JANE SAYS:

Any marriage break-up is devastatingly hard and sad. Five years ago your husband cheated on his (then) wife. She was so upset that she ended up in hospital. In a heartbeat her world was turned upside down and she struggled to understand her place in it.

Now she is a (reluctantly) divorced woman and life seems very unfair.

The man she probably still loves is only a short distance away and she obviously thinks: “Why shouldn’t he help me?” when a plumber, electrician or mechanic costs so much.

But she and your husband have to understand that this is a new era.

  • 'My chaotic girlfriend expects me to get her life in order every time I visit'

It may make perfect sense for your husband to mend her washing machine, as a friend, but he’s not her friend, he’s her ex-husband and that distinction has to be made.

He has to step away and accept that you are his priority now and he needs to sit up and take notice or your young marriage won’t have a chance.

Tell him today that this all has to end because you have had enough. Where do his loyalties lie?

Unless he can assure you that you have his undivided attention, then he could be in danger of losing you. Is that what he wants?

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