Partner blames me 'not pulling my weight' for his porn addiction

DEAR DEIDRE: MY partner says I haven’t been “pulling my weight” in our relationship and that’s why he is addicted to porn.

I am 41, he is 43 and we have been together for ten years.


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I have rheumatoid arthritis, which makes me tired sometimes.

So I can’t always do as much as I’d like. That makes him annoyed, not sympathetic.

Lately he has been watching porn every day and night.

He has never had a high sex drive but now he no longer wants to get intimate with me at all.

He won’t discuss it. He would rather masturbate in front of his laptop.

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Though he is charming and polite to everyone else, he puts me down and picks fights.

I feel worthless and un­attractive, though he is the one with the problem. He refuses to get help.

DEIDRE SAYS:  He is in denial and until he admits he has a problem, he will not change.

My support pack Internet Pornography Worry details the impact of this and how to get help.

His behaviour is emotionally abusive, as my support pack on abusive partners explains.

If you feel strongly enough, let him know it’s not acceptable.

If you want to save your relationship, consider relationship counselling.

Contact Tavistock Relationships (tavistockrelationships.org, 0207 380 1960).

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