Secret fling makes me feel like a sex god in bed — but should I leave my girlfriend?

I’ve been with my partner for 12 years. I’m 31 and she is 29. Our boys are seven and five and they are my world.

Our sex life used to be amazing. We had a no-holds-barred type of sex life – any time, anywhere. We’d tie each other up while she wore sexy lingerie. I was living the dream and the envy of my friends.

When she had our second son things changed. Every time I wanted sex she’d push me away and that’s how it’s gone on.

I play football and a few of my mates in the team aren’t in long-term relationships. They work hard but play hard too and that means wild nights out and lots of drinking as well as playing football.

I started to go out with them every weekend and I’d come home drunk most Saturday nights. I had a few one-night stands too but nothing that was going to go anywhere. The more I got into this lifestyle, the more my partner rejected me and the more I missed the spicy sex between us. It was a vicious circle.

I had a one-night stand with a girl I met in a bar a few weeks ago. She’s 26 and has her own flat. We went back to her place and enjoyed wild, passionate sex.

This girl is stunning and she does things to me which make me feel great. I’m made to feel amazing in the bedroom and this is how things should be for men my age, plus she says she’s happy to have an affair without the full-on relationship.


Nothing is wrong between a caring couple as long as they are both enjoying it and no one is harmed, but one person’s fancy can horrify the other.

My leaflet Kinky Sex Worries? can help.

For a copy, email me at [email protected] or message me on Facebook.

I’ve talked to my partner in the past about getting things back how they were but she just tells me to find somebody younger who will give me the sort of sex I crave.

Now I’ve found just that. I feel I’m on a cliff edge now. Do I go over the edge, or turn back and try to make things work with my girlfriend?

DEIDRE SAYS: I understand you’re feeling rejected but the responsible way forward is to understand why your sex life has gone so wrong at home and mend it, not wreck your little boys’ happiness and stability.

It’s common for childbirth to disrupt the mother’s sex drive but how helpful a dad were you/are you? Do you encourage your girlfriend to put her feet up while you sort out the boys?

If your girlfriend feels resentful at being non-stop parent and housewife while you play footie and go out on the town, no wonder she doesn’t feel very sexy with you.

Stop seeing the other girl and act like a real man. Cut down on your drinking. Read Kick The Drink …Easily! by Jason Vale to get you started.

Tell your girlfriend she is too young to have written off an enjoyable sex life. You can find more guidance on my e-leaflet on Reviving A Woman’s Sex Drive.

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