Why Demi Lovato Cut Her Exes Out of Her Life

As Demi Lovato realized, “If they’re an ex, it’s for a reason.”

The famous songstress and former Disney star, the now-27-year-old star has grown up in the spotlight. As a result, her romances have also unfolded in the glare of that bright light, but Lovato is putting an end to that. As she explained on Jameela Jamil‘s podcast, I Weigh, Lovato has learned to set boundaries about what she shared with the media and with people that no longer belong in her life. 

“My steepest learning curve over the course of my career was, well, I think that learning to set boundaries with other people is ok—that was something that I have just learned over the past year and a half,” she explained. “I had to learn that by not setting boundaries, it put me in the position that I was in…talking about every detail of every part of my life, whether it be a relationship or whether it be my recovery, you know…nothing was sacred to me anymore.”


As a result of spending time out of the public eye following her overdose, “I’ve been able to do so much healing. I’ve done more healing on myself in the past year and a half than I have the past that entire six years that I went around the world preaching about recovery.”

“I’m able to heal because I’m not talking about those things with the media,” she continued. “I’m not telling people details that they can tear me down with later.”  

Christopher Polk/Getty Images for NARAS

She’s also been able to move on from people who shouldn’t be in her life anymore,

“I kind of used to have this mentality that if I had a negative experience with someone, I always needed to mend it or I always needed to make things right and, the fact of the matter is, I’m not really friends with any of my exes today because I had to realize that that wasn’t healthy either,” she told Jamil. 

“Trying to maintain close friendships with some of my exes, it just isn’t realistic—there’s actually a reason why people don’t do that,” Lovato continued, noting she tried to stay friends with exes because “I was afraid of fully letting go of people.”

“Now that I’ve been able to fully let go of people, you know, that is another thing that I had to learn when it comes to cutting toxic people out of your life—if they’re an ex, it’s for a reason,” she pointed out. 


In the May issue of Harper’s Bazaar, Lovato confirmed she is no longer in touch with her past famous love, Wilimer Valderrama, who is now engaged to Amanda Pacheco.

“I’m really happy for him and I wish him nothing but the best, but we’re not in each other’s lives, haven’t spoken in a long time,” she said. “But I think I needed that because I needed to learn to be okay on my own. When you get into a relationship with somebody at that young of an age and then you spend six years with somebody, you don’t really get to learn about yourself.”

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