WILL Young's troubled twin brother bared his soul over his battle with depression in harrowing social media posts.
Rupert, 41, has tragically passed away after fighting mental health issues leaving his family "utterly devastated".
He had bravely opened up about his fight with depression and alcoholism in a bid to help others – including starting charity the Mood Foundation.
The organisation built a national database of private therapists who offered free treatment to people diagnosed with depression or anxiety.
Rupert revealed his demons on social media in 2013 using excerpts from a book he was writing.
He recalled one time he was due to appear on This Morning while being crippled by depression to the point he wanted to kill himself.
Rupert wrote: "I was about to be interviewed in front of millions of people on the most popular and long running good morning show in the UK.
"The item was about depression and addiction and how I had overcome it, the irony was inside I WANTED TO F***ING KILL MYSELF!"
Rupert goes on to say how when he was young, he was already thinking about death and would tell his mother he would be "dead soon".
He added: "Back then my life was just my life I did not know that depression existed. Whatever my world consisted of was normal to me. I had no perspective; no real understanding of what was normal.
"However my body was remembering every emotion, storing it away for a rainy day."
Rupert tells how he was forced to "fake it" on the ITV show as he "openly lied" about overcoming his depression and alcoholism.
But away from the bright lights of the studio, Rupert said he was smoking cannabis to "numb myself" as he tried to escape his "intolerable reality of self loathing and self pity".
He also wrote of a wildlife documentary where a Komodo dragon bites the leg of a water buffalo – injecting a slow-acting poison that over time causes the animal to collapse "somewhere between life and death" as the predator waits to pounce.
YOU'RE NOT ALONE
EVERY 90 minutes in the UK a life is lost to suicide.
It doesn't discriminate, touching the lives of people in every corner of society – from the homeless and unemployed to builders and doctors, reality stars and footballers.
It's the biggest killer of people under the age of 35, more deadly than cancer and car crashes.
And men are three times more likely to take their own life than women.
Yet it's rarely spoken of, a taboo that threatens to continue its deadly rampage unless we all stop and take notice, now.
That is why The Sun launched the You're Not Alone campaign.
The aim is that by sharing practical advice, raising awareness and breaking down the barriers people face when talking about their mental health, we can all do our bit to help save lives.
Let's all vow to ask for help when we need it, and listen out for others… You're Not Alone.
If you, or anyone you know, needs help dealing with mental health problems, the following organisations provide support:
- CALM, www.thecalmzone.net, 0800 585 858
- Heads Together, www.headstogether.org.uk
- Mind, www.mind.org.uk, 0300 123 3393
- Papyrus, www.papyrus-uk.org, 0800 068 41 41
- Samaritans, www.samaritans.org, 116 123
Rupert said: "Now isolated and alone, it had no defences, no fight left all it could do was lay there and watch as death crept up and devoured it.
"Like the dragon, depressions plan was to stalk me over time, separate me from the herd and then devour me when I was defenceless."
He also shared another excerpt from his book as he made his way to rehab in the States in 2012.
Rupert told how he sank drink after drink on the flight from Heathrow – including pints of beer, "four double vodkas and three little bottles of red wine".
Explaining why he drank so much, he wrote: "I need a drink. Who in their right mind would walk into a rehab sober, it’s hard enough as it is.
"F**k I just want to go home. Feels like the first day at school all over again."
Rupert has openly spoken of his 20-year undiagnosed fight with depression.
It was only in 2005 after a string of visits to top doctors and psychiatrists while living in American that he was finally diagnosed with dysthymia – a depressive mood disorder often triggered by a trauma.
And in a 2008 interview, Rupert explained the extent of his trauma, saying: "I woke up one morning and turned on the TV.
"There was William on Richard & Judy, giving the most amazing performance of one of his songs.
"I had spent the night before drinking with tramps in a car park and cutting myself.
"It seemed bizarre to me that two people who are genetically the same could behave in such different ways.
"I realised that something had gone very wrong. But I didn't know what, or why, and nor did anyone else."
He went on to bravely reveal his demons as he aimed to help others.
Will previously told how his brother's problems had become so devastating he had been forced to "walk away" at the height of his alcoholism, explaining: "It was the family stepping away that actually got him better.
"It's very tough having a family member who is an addict. But when you're dealing with that you eventually have to just stop and look after yourself.
"Me, my parents, my older sister, everyone. We all just had to walk away. We had to leave him."
But according to a source, Rupert had appeared to "turn a corner" in recent years.
A friend told The Sun: “Will’s relationship with Rupert had been tough over the years at times, and they had both spoken about the mental health problems which had made it challenging.
“But there were hopes he had turned a corner and they are a very loving family – and utterly devastated by his passing.”
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans on (free) 116123
Source: Read Full Article