After Meghan & Harry weighed in on Afghanistan, we imagine what they would have said about other world events

IF a major world event takes place and Meghan and Harry don’t offer some pearls of wisdom about it, did it really happen?

This week the intensely private couple broke cover to tell the world how the fall of Afghanistan had left them speechless . . . in a 215-word statement.

And it is far from the only subject they’ve gone out of their way to offer their thoughts on as they seek to stay away from the limelight in the comfort of their £12.5million LA mansion. 

So what would the publicity-shy pair think about other historic world events, had they had the opportunity to comment at the time? 

We take a very tongue-in-cheek look at how their words of wisdom might sound.


‘So glad you are all Finding Freedom…like a young, brave couple pursuing independence’

WE are dancing in the streets and singing our hearts out with you, Europe!

Oh how wonderful it is when the enemy gives in. 

Now, just like the title of a certain bestselling book that we absolutely had nothing to do with, you too are Finding Freedom. 

We remember only too well how it felt to get our passports back after all that time when we had to limit our holidays to just a few luxury trips, like to my baby shower in New York and to visit The Clooneys in Italy.

How sweet the taste of victory. 

When we took Archie to the beach here in our new home of California for the first time, shielding behind out bodyguards from the sun’s increasingly harmful rays, we told him: “Now, we are truly free.”

🔵 Read our Afghanistan live blog for the latest updates


‘We too threw ourselves in front of a monarch’s horse, metaphorically'

SEEING women finally having their say in what happens in their country couldn’t make us prouder.

We know the suffering and frustration of being silenced by an all-powerful institution, as we have never tired of explaining to media outlets across the world. 

We too threw ourselves in front of a monarch’s horse just to be heard, metaphorically obviously.

While only propertied women over 30 can vote at the moment and we still need to fight for equality, we believe the best things happen to women after 30 — like meeting a handsome prince and convincing him to leave his home, family and titles for her. 

Soon, perhaps, you will be able to vote for a female leader, too. Just as soon as I get my citizenship sorted.


‘Such courage to flee to the US – with no mega TV deal in bag’

WE stand shoulder to shoulder with his majesty the King-Emperor. Like many great men, he has chosen to find freedom in partnership with an American divorcee.

To deeply upset and publicly humiliate the closest members of your family (without securing coverage on a global TV network) takes immense bravery. 

We salute his courage in refusing to listen to suggestions this is all some sort of masterplan by Ms Simpson to snare a royal and hot-foot it back to the States to show Hollywood who the real Queen of this town is.

So our hearts go out to Teddy and Wally and we’ll do everything in our power to help secure them an invite to George and Amal’s next Lake Como pasta party.


‘They think it’s all over  . . . but no, we’re still here to have our say!’

SOCCER’S coming home! Congratulations to all, especially Bobby Moore, captain of the Duke of Cambridge’s beloved Westham Villa. 

When goal striker Geoff Hurst touched down twice in extra-time, it reminded us of our capacity to fight to the very end.

It’s something we have had to do. We thought our situation was going to be stuck at a draw, but we summoned our strength and believed in victory, and look at us now. Through belief and perseverance, we’ve upgraded from a £2.4million shack in Windsor to 16 bathrooms in LA. 

Let’s hope the women will now get a turn to take the Julia Rimet trophy in four years. Would 40 minutes on the phone with Meghan help?


‘One small step for Harry, one giant leap for Meghan-kind’

OUR hearts are filled with admiration for our brave astronauts. 

In many ways, we feel we have made our own Giant Leap by stepping out on to new territory to tread a different path for the good of mankind. 

We know only too well the emotion of flying to another land with the whole world watching. 

And I know Neil and the boys were grateful that Harry and I explained to them what seeing our planet from a small aircraft would look like — as Elton John did to us before lending us his private jet to fly on holiday.

Earth looks so special when seen without the noise of the riff raff in economy class. Godspeed to you Nasa . . . and don’t forget to put that rocket in the recycling!


‘John knew the value of a strong woman to help shake things up’

IMAGINE all the people living life in peace and sharing all the world.

Wise words from a man who was clearly inspired by our vision for harmony. 

John was a brave man who, like us, was not afraid to allow a new partner to enter his life only to drive a wedge between him and those most dear to him.

And also, like us, he was able to put his own personal grievances aside for the good of the world. 

John’s life teaches us that you should always show love for all your fellow humans . . . unless they exposed your hypocrisy, financially cut you off, or staged a photoshoot with paparazzi ahead of your wedding. 


‘Some things should be kept private…or only shared on Oprah’

OUR hearts are breaking at the horrific death of tiny Supersonic in his breaded coffin of doom.

But our thoughts are also with Mr Starr, who must have been going through hell to want to devour a fellow living creature in this way.

We have long said that actions involving a vegan diet are a more sustainable way to take revenge on those who refuse to make you a sandwich. 

And to think that the wicked Press would report this on the front page for millions to see is unthinkable.

Altercations between friends should always remain private, as we discreetly told our close friend Oprah Winfrey on her little TV show seen by 61million viewers.


‘What a great way to share our news, with no pesky questioners’

WELL, hello world wide web! What an amazing invention for spreading information.

 In our own way, we think of ourselves as the forebears to the internet, sending our wise words out to the world whenever there is a global issue that has nothing to do with us. 

Where once Harry’s ancestors would have to wait weeks for news to arrive on horseback about which enemy his family’s army had crushed, now all he needs to do is wait for a “Meghan and Harry” Google alert on his iPhone.

We very much believe in the freedom of information, so long as it comes through approved sources, such as our favourite journalists, hand-picked for believing everything we say.

    Source: Read Full Article