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When I was 16, I decided to drop maths as a subject because I wanted to study literature instead.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n My father, who was an engineer, <\/strong>couldn\u2019t understand this decision, and instead of voicing his disapproval like a normal person or supporting me, <\/strong>he spent the following years calling me \u2018stupid and useless\u2019. <\/p>\n He\u2019d make fun of me in public by saying I was going to live under a bridge and was never going to have a future.<\/p>\n I told him his actions <\/strong>hurt me and asked him to stop, only to face even more mockery because I was upset. He claimed I knew deep down he was right and that was why I was upset.<\/p>\n Sadly my mum was no different \u2013 she <\/strong>once banned me from going on a trip because I had left a pair of jeans on a chair. Whatever issues she was going through that day had nothing to do with me; she just needed to take out her frustration on me.\u00a0<\/p>\n I didn\u2019t realise it at the time, but these are perfect examples of my parents\u2019 emotionally immature behaviour.\u00a0<\/p>\n And as I reflect on this now as an adult, I know just how my parents\u2019 approach hampered my own development.\u00a0<\/p>\n I\u2019ve always prioritised <\/strong>other people\u2019s feelings, hid my own and feared confrontation as a consequence of my parents\u2019 emotional immaturity.\u00a0<\/p>\n My dad was either silent or hyper-critical. He barely ever spoke and when he did it was always to disagree with whatever I was saying.\u00a0<\/p>\n I always felt judged and never understood why.\u00a0<\/p>\n His presence was like that of a policeman; even if I knew I hadn\u2019t done anything wrong, just <\/strong>him being near me felt uneasy.<\/p>\n My flatmates considered me a clean, thoughtful and considerate flatmate, while my parents had always painted me as filthy, selfish and ungrateful<\/p>\n My mum was less quiet, but always <\/strong>dismissed my feelings by calling me dramatic, so I decided to hide them altogether.<\/p>\n It meant I never felt safe, protected or loved at home.\u00a0<\/p>\n I grew up feeling inadequate and guilty because my parents gave me the impression that I was the root cause of all their problems. It meant I had to always be vigilant, on edge knowing I could be subject to their moods or indifference at any point.<\/p>\n While my parents have always behaved like that \u2013\u00a0I remember refraining from crying in front of my mum when I was a kid so she wouldn\u2019t snap at me \u2013\u00a0it wasn\u2019t until I was a teenager that I realised how much their behaviour affected me.\u00a0<\/p>\n When I moved to <\/strong>the UK at 19 to study, I discovered a degree of safety I had never experienced before, and my anxiety decreased considerably.\u00a0<\/p>\n I made really good friends and through learning about their relationships with their parents I came to understand that my situation wasn\u2019t the norm.\u00a0<\/p>\n My flatmates changed how I thought about myself; they considered me a clean, thoughtful and considerate flatmate, while my parents had always painted me as filthy, selfish and ungrateful.\u00a0<\/p>\n Far from improving, my relationship with my <\/strong>parents worsened when I left. I was home twice a year, for Christmas and summer holidays, and even then we barely spoke. It seemed like they were avoiding me.<\/p>\n Platform is the home of Metro.co.uk’s first-person and opinion pieces, devoted to giving a platform to underheard and underrepresented voices in the media. <\/strong><\/p>\n Find some of our best reads of the week below:<\/p>\n Emily Bashforth explains that, even though Katy Perry was married to Russell Brand, she doesn’t owe anyone a response. <\/p>\n A mum to a 15-year-old vaper shares her concerns about the proposed ban on single-use vapes and how it might impact addicted teens like her own daughter. <\/p>\n An uplifting piece from Emily Powell, who ran away to Vegas with her groom and got married in a 15-minute-long, $150 ceremony officiated by Elvis. <\/p>\n And Pranjal Jain made us all cringe when she shared that she accidentally said ‘I love you’ on a first date after a language translation error. Her date’s reply left her gob-smacked. <\/p>\n We didn\u2019t talk when I was away, either \u2013 and if we did it was just about things like the weather.<\/p>\n I assumed they were giving me the silent treatment for something I had done wrong.<\/p>\n A couple of years ago I got my first job and wanted to buy dinner for me and my parents as a gift, but my gesture was dismissed.<\/p>\n While I intended to enjoy my first salary with them and thank them for their financial help over the years, they interpreted it as me showing off how much money I had, and as\u00a0ungrateful because I didn\u2019t want them to buy me dinner anymore.\u00a0<\/p>\n I started blaming myself, as they had done, for any problems. In my early 20s, that manifested as guilt at <\/strong>feeling much happier <\/strong>when my parents weren\u2019t around.\u00a0<\/p>\n Deep down, <\/strong>I knew I needed to walk away, but I still wanted to earn their love and acceptance.<\/p>\n So at 24, as we grew more and more distant, I sought therapy.\u00a0<\/p>\n My therapist identified people-pleasing habits in me, pointing <\/strong>out I simply did what other people wanted me to do to avoid confrontation. It took a while to sink in \u2013 but I know now this was a symptom of growing up with emotionally immature parents.\u00a0\u00a0<\/p>\n It made me realise how abnormal, and wrong, my parents\u2019 behaviour was.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not <\/strong>normal to hide your feelings from your parents to protect theirs. It\u2019s not <\/strong>normal for a child to perform a pacifying role out of concern for their mother and father\u2019s reactions.\u00a0<\/p>\n After six months of therapy, I felt confident enough to be open with my parents about how I felt about their behaviour. <\/strong>Whenever they snapped at me I would stop them and ask them what was wrong, but it only made them shut down and cut the conversation.<\/p>\n<\/i>More from Platform<\/h2>\n